“Oh! Oralpam personality ullavare onnum Police angane fine adikkilla. Enne kandille…”

(Oh! The Police won’t fine someone with as much personality as me.)

            This used to be my trademark reply whenever my Dad or Mom started talking about the importance of wearing the helmet on the road. Guess that ‘personality’ just gave up on me this time. I was fined by the Police, today evening near the Saphalyam Complex in Pattom for not wearing a helmet! (Sheesh!) And cruelly enough, my purse which normally is empty all the time, was rolling in riches when they caught me! Even crueler is the fact that the only money I could give them was the 100 rupees that belonged to me! (The rest was not mine. I was just in possession of it!) That money, I had so painstakingly raised over the past one month, in a now rendered futile attempt to recharge my mobile balance which has been languishing at Rs.5/- for over a month now. And now, it’s gone! Probably to get some minister his daily dose of premium scotch. Or maybe to fetch that police officer’s wife fish for the family at night. Hope that makes them ‘honourable’ judges, in coats as darkened as their intellect, happy!!

            I’m disgusted. Since when has India degraded to such a despot nation where the fundamental rights of the citizens are threatened by the very courts designed to protect them? I mean, the Constitution guarantees us Indians six fundamental rights:

• Right to Equality
• Right to Particular Freedom
• Cultural and Educational Rights
• Right to Freedom of Religion
• Right against Exploitation
• Right to Constitutional Remedies

Now let’s just look at the one I’ve stressed there. The right to Particular Freedom guarantees us the rights:

• To freedom of speech and expression;
• To assemble peaceably and without arms;
• To form associations or unions;
• To move freely throughout the territory of India;
• To reside and settle in any part of the territory of India;
• To practice any profession, or to carry on any occupation, trade or business.

            Again, please note the one I’ve stressed on. So, if I have the right to move freely throughout the territory of India, then why should I be forced to wear a helmet to travel from Vazhuthacaud to Spencer junction, if I don’t bloody want to do so? I mean, isn’t making helmets mandatory, an action comparable to a situation where the courts decide that all Indian men should wear light green shirts and magenta trousers and all Indian women, orange saris and grey blouses , every Monday!!? What do you call this if not bullying by the ‘honourable’ courts?

            Now, I’ve read somewhere that wearing a helmet increases the chances of survival in the event of a crash by 29%. (A seatbelt in a car increases the same by 40%) Am I going to have to suffer all the hardships of wearing a helmet, carrying it around, even to the loo and looking like a fool just for the sake of a paltry 29%? Bullshit! I prefer crashing my bike somewhere and splitting my brains open to the above. Besides, there’s every chance I’d be subject to the same fate even if I wear my crown. Then, why should I sacrifice my comfort for the sake of the whims and fancies of some ‘honourable’ judges sitting in some air-conditioned halls and who may never ever in their lives have even ridden a motorbike or knew what it’s all about!!?

            Forgive me if I’ve sounded too animated. It’s just that I’m tired, frustrated and angry! Tired am I of hearing that lady from Airtel say, ‘Your account balance is low. Kindly recharge your account to ensure prompt service’ every time I make a call. Frustrated am I with the police for fining me, a poor unemployed student, while there are hundreds of filthy rich buggers out there who drive without even a driving license! Angry am I with the ‘honourable’ (Let me use this word one last time before I sound like Mark Antony talking about Brutus) courts for focusing on implementing such stupid laws when they have a backlog of an estimated 25 million civil and criminal cases! Don’t they have anything bloody better to do? All that the courts have done with this action is make patriotic, country-loving young guys like me turn against them while what they’d ideally want is to recreate trust in the judiciary in the quantum that they enjoyed way back in the late 1940s and 1950s.

            I had a talk about this issue with one of my friends before my ‘fine experience’ and he said it was up to the courts to ensure the safety of Indian citizens and maybe that’s why they’ve implemented this rule. Yeah, right!  BEWARE FELLOW INDIANS! The courts are soon going to make condoms mandatory to have sex (Ooh! AIDS kills!!). Please don’t complain. It’s for your own safety.